Not Sure Whether to Keep Working On It, or Call It Quits?

Discernment helps you understand what kind of decision you’re facing, consider the possible paths forward, and make a decision on how to proceed.

This page tells you about how discernment can help you get unstuck: what the process is, and how it helps.

Looking to work with someone in couples sessions? Learn about discernment couples sessions here.

Prefer to start working immediately on your own? Scroll down for a free video (under three minutes), which will explain the approach. You might find the video helpful, even if you don't enroll in the full course.

The Three Options

This course is built around a simple but difficult question:

What should you do next?

You'll work toward choosing among three possible directions.

Option 1:
Keep Working On It

Commit to staying together for now and actively work on improving the relationship.

Option 2:
Leave Things As They Are

You may conclude that you're not ready to make a larger decision yet, and choose to leave things as they are for now while you continue observing and learning.

Option 3:
Separate

Recognize that you may be facing a genuine deal-breaker and move toward ending the relationship as it has been.

The course also offers guidance on how to approach separation thoughtfully and humanely if that becomes necessary.

What You'll Learn

Chapter 1
Deal-Breakers or Growing Pains?

Learn the key distinction that structures the course: which relationship problems may be workable through growth, and which may reflect genuine incompatibility.

Chapter 2
Take Stock of Your Relationship

Assess your relationship across major areas including children, finances, sex, intimacy, betrayal, religion, politics, family, and more.

Chapter 3
The Decision

Work through the process of identifying deal-breakers versus growing pains and choose among the three options.

Chapter 4
How to Move Forward

Explore what improvement actually looks like in a relationship and consider practical paths forward, together or separately.

Chapter 5
How to Split Up If You Have To

Learn principles for approaching separation with greater steadiness, clarity, dignity, and respect.

This Course May Help If...

  • You feel stuck in relationship uncertainty.
  • You and your partner disagree about what should happen next.
  • One of you wants to work on the relationship while the other is leaning away
  • You keep circling the same unresolved issues
  • You feel pressure to “decide already,” but don’t feel clear yet
  • You’ve tried counseling or therapy and still feel uncertain
  • You want help thinking clearly, not pressure toward a particular outcome
  • You want a more thoughtful and humane way to approach a possible breakup

This course is designed for people who want clarity, responsibility, and a way forward — whether that ultimately means rebuilding the relationship or ending it.


What Makes This Course Different

Most relationship advice starts by asking:

"How do we fix this?"

This course starts with a different question:

"What kind of problem are we actually facing?"

Some relationship problems are growing pains:
painful, difficult, but potentially workable through learning and growth.

Others are deal-breakers:
situations where two people may simply be incompatible in ways that cannot realistically be resolved.

Understanding the difference matters.

This course is designed to help you think more clearly about that distinction before making major decisions.

There are no quick fixes here, and no pressure toward staying together or separating.

The goal is thoughtful discernment:
understanding your situation more clearly so you can move forward with greater honesty and responsibility.

About Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist, couples therapist, and author with decades of experience helping individuals and couples navigate intimacy, conflict, betrayal, anxiety, and difficult relationship decisions.

He is the author of:

  • Reigniting the Spark
  • It’s Not About Communication!
  • Betrayal and Forgiveness
  • The Passion Paradox


His work emphasizes emotional clarity, responsibility, honesty, and thoughtful decision-making rather than rigid formulas or quick fixes.

This course draws on the principles of discernment counseling while offering a structured self-paced process you can work through on your own or with your partner.

Interested in working with Dr. Chalmer? Learn more about discernment couples sessions here.


Frequently Asked Questions

  • Is this course therapy?

    No. This is an educational course designed to help you think more clearly about difficult relationship decisions. You might find that doing this course makes therapy more efficient.

  • Can I take this course without my partner?

    Yes. The course is designed to be useful whether or not your partner participates.

  • Will this course tell me whether to stay or leave?

    No. The course guides you through the decision-making process, but the decision remains yours.

  • What if my partner refuses counseling or relationship work?

    The course specifically addresses situations where one partner is reluctant or uncertain about working on the relationship.

  • What if we decide to separate?

    The final chapter offers practical guidance for approaching separation with greater steadiness, dignity, and respect.

  • Do I need to complete the course in one sitting?

    No. The course is self-paced, and you can move through it at whatever speed is helpful to you. You can pause and repeat sections as you wish.

  • Is there a “right” answer at the end of the course?

    Not necessarily. The goal is not perfection or certainty. The goal is greater clarity about what direction makes the most sense for your situation.

You Don't Have to Stay Stuck

This course is designed to help you move out of paralysis and toward a thoughtful decision about what comes next. Whether you ultimately choose to work on the relationship, leave things as they are for now, or separate, the goal is greater clarity, honesty, and responsibility.

Enroll Now - $49